Thursday, August 11, 2016

Being Thankful

This evening I am reflecting on today and being thankful.  I was thinking of Faith earlier this evening when my husband and I were spending time with Joy and having such a wonderful time.  I found myself wondering about what Faith would be life if she were here today.  I miss her so much sometimes.  I cannot help but wonder how she sounds, what she looks like, etc...someday I will know.  

As I reflect and wonder about what Faith is like now in Heaven, I must always remember to be thankful for what I do have here with me now.  I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful, sweet daughter, Joy.  

I am also surrounded now by other family and friends, who make my life so wonderful.  We are now living in the country where I grew up, and I am SO thankful that God has brought us here to raise Joy in the slower paced, more relaxed, family friendly atmosphere.  

I was looking out over the country sky this evening earlier telling my husband that it is still surreal that we are here for me.  I am so very happy and at peace here.  I love it here and I feel like I am HOME again.

I am thankful for knowing that God has placed us here to do some great things.  I have some very special things that He has placed in my heart to do, and I feel that once I get unpacked and settled in, that I can begin to start working on those things.  

No matter what life throws at you, always remember to be thankful for who and what you have.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Missing Faith

As we draw near to Joy's first birthday, I have been thinking about and missing Faith.  I cannot help but miss her and think of what she may be like today.  She would be 2 years and 3 months old now.  I know she is a wonderful big sister and she would be a great one here if she were here.  

We moved in June to IL to be close to my family with a lot of cousins that are around Joy's age so she can grow up around family.  It is also a much more relaxed way of life than living so close to the big city.  We both wanted this for Joy.  I am SO thrilled that we made this decision and am SO excited for Joy to be able to grow up where I grew up.  But along with this excitement also comes a bit of longing for Faith.  If I close my eyes, I can almost see her running and playing along with all the rest of the kids.  I know she is here with us in so many ways.  

I know that as we celebrate Joy's birthday on Sunday, I will be so happy and excited to watch her open presents and taste her first cake and ice cream.  I also know that a tiny part of me will long to see Faith join in on all the fun.  I am certain she will be celebrating with us in Heaven.

I love and miss you my precious Faith.

XO,
Mommy

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

How Being a Mommy of Two makes me a better Parent of One

As I was playing with Joy the other day and as Faith's second birthday approaches, I was thinking of the person I have become since Faith died.  I can speculate all day about the type of parent I would have been if they both were here, but that is not the case.  At the end of the day, I miss Faith so very much.  But I know in my heart that having her for the short time that I did, has made me a better person all around and for sure a better parent to Joy.  I can't count the number of times I kiss her and tell her that I love her in a day.  Most of the time, I walk in a pretty good amount of patience.

Do not get me wrong.  In no way am I saying that others with children who haven't lost a child love their children any less.  I am simply stating that I believe I love and mother Joy differently and better than I would have if it would not have been for Faith.

One might say that since Faith is not here with us, I am able to share the love I have for her with Joy, loving Joy "doubly".  I believe this is the case.  I can only love Faith in my heart, so I believe it is her gift to Joy have that special love expressed from me since Faith cannot be here with us now.

All in all, I truly believe that I am a better mother to Joy because of Faith.  I love and miss Faith more and more with each passing day and will continue to do so.  I know in my heart that this missing and loving Faith, helps me to be a better mommy to them both and a better mother to Joy than I would have been without Faith.




Saturday, February 20, 2016

Faith Melody Memories - My "Ah Hah" Moment - Why I Do What I Do

So, I've decided I don't feel like getting the work I need to do done tonight. Just one of those nights. I've been taking some pics of my jewelry to update my Etsy shop with and was thinking about why I make jewelry.

As I was taking some pictures, I tried on a couple pairs of earrings (one was a pair of freshwater pearls like you have Jen Anderson). 

When I tried them on I went over to the mirror to see what they looked like on me.As I tried these earrings on, I said jewelry makes me feel pretty. That, in a nutshell, sums up why I make jewelry in honor of Faith. She makes me feel so much love and she makes me feel pretty. I want to share that wonderful feeling with others in Faith's memory.
This was one of those "ah hah" moments for me. While I have always done this in Faith's honor, I never really verbalized it to myself and made this much of a special connection. By helping others feel pretty, I am sharing a piece of how Faith makes me feel.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Capture Your Grief - Day 31 - Sunset

Well, today is the last day of Capture Your Grief for this year.  Of course the topic is Sunset.  I did not get a picture of a sunset here in FL, USA today, although I am sure it was very nice.  

So, for my picture for today, I am using a picture I took not too long ago in this area, so it is still my picture and it is still around sunset at an area close to where I live!

As this project comes to a close this year, I am thankful that I have taken the time to participate.  It has been a great time for me to take time out of my days and to reflect and think about Faith.  I miss her so very much.
 
Earlier this evening my husband and I were enjoying spending time with Joy.  We dressed her up like an angel for Halloween and she was just beautiful.  As I looked and listened to her, I couldn't help but wonder what Faith would be like if she were here.  

It has only been a year and a half since Faith went to Heaven.  I know as I live my life every day that as long as I am here the sun will rise and the sun will set, however, the sun will never set on my love for Faith.

I love and miss you my darling first daughter.

Capture Your Grief - Day 30 - Reflection

Reflection was yesterday's Capture Your Grief topic.  Today, I will again go question by question on this topic, since there are only a few questions and I think it's the easiest route...

Q: What is your relationship with grief like right now?
A: My relationship with grief now is one of co-existence.  I don't know how to explain it any differently than that.  I live with grief every day.  I do not WALLOW in grief, but it is a part of me now.

Q: Is it still the same?
A: No, it is not the same.  I believe my grief changes on a daily basis.

Q: Has anything changed? 
A: Yes.  My grief is constantly changing.  Most of the time I try to focus on the wonderful time I was able to spend with Faith and my love for her.  

Q: What have you learned about yourself and your grief? 
A: I have learned so much about myself and my grief since Faith died.  I have learned that you can learn to live with grief in your everyday life without it overcoming you.  You control it (most of the time).  A lot of the time I can choose to have a good cry session to get out some needed grief.

Q: Did you love anything about this project? 
A: I love the fact that this project has given me the time out to think about Faith and to think about my relationship with her.  I also love that this project has given me something to give myself as a goal and I have actually done it!

Q: What did you find difficult?
A: Some days I found it difficult to take the time out to do my blog post for this project.  However, the couple times that I didn't do the post I caught it up on the next day, which is great for me!  I found it difficult to sit down and really focus on Faith.  Not that I don't think of her VERY frequently, but since I am so busy I don't often make the time to just focus some much needed time on my relationship with her and my grief for her.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Capture Your Grief - Day 29 - (WHY?) What Heals You?

I really like today's Capture Your Grief topic.  The topic is What Heals You?.  You can read the history of this topic on Carly's site in the link above.  I have done the Whys and What Ifs many many times since Faith died.  I may still every now and then.  However, Carly's idea of focusing her energy on What Heals You? instead is a great idea!

The bottom line is I can't change that Faith is gone.  THIS is what happened.  So today, in my thinking about this topic, I came up with many things that heal me...

The Lord has been with me through every moment of losing Faith and quite frankly every moment of my life.  He is ALWAYS there for me.  He heals me in every way a person can be healed...mind, body, soul, and spirit.

Owen and Joy heal me.  Spending time with them together has quickly become one of my MOST favorite times of every day!  I love watching them together and how happy each one makes the other.  It is so beautiful to watch my daughter with her daddy!

Blogging and writing heals me.  I enjoy sharing my story and feelings.  I enjoy both blogging and writing in my journals.  Both things are healing to me in different ways.  I feel as though I can share and help others by blogging.  Writing in my journals helps me to talk to Faith and also with Joy.

Making jewelry heals me.  I have been enjoying making jewelry so very much.  I just created my first piece in my new Faith & Joy line the other day and am going to be finishing up my next piece here in a little bit after I finish this blog post!  I am very excited about this bracelet!

So today, instead of asking why, or following up your asking why, focus on What Heals You!