Capture Your Grief - Day 28 - Reach Out

Reach Out is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  This evening I was planning to go to bed a bit earlier, however, I wanted to get some work done for someone very special, so I am just wrapping up that work for this evening.  

I am not going to mention what work it is that I am doing.  I will just say that I am currently working with someone on a project and needed to get some things done on said project.

It makes me feel very good that this person trusts me with such important tasks that need to be completed.  I feel blessed that I am able to help in the areas I can with this project.  I know that I will be putting in a lot of time and love into this project and will see much success and love in return, since that is just how God works.

I will continue to reach out to others in kindness and love and am blessed to be able to do so.  The picture I have chosen to use for today is of Faith's hand prints.  These little hands will continue to reach out to others in love through me.

Going About My Day with Faith & Joy

I have been getting some things done around the house today.  I have thought quite a bit about Faith today also.  Although I know she is in Heaven now, I frequently feel as though she is with me also.  As I feel Joy moving and kicking now, as I am now 4 days into week 29 of my pregnancy with her, it seems as though they are both with me.

I see Faith in the beauty of nature, the soft breeze on my face, the warm sun shining, and the mighty sound of the ocean.  I feel Faith in my everyday life, as I strive to live as I know she would want me to live...sharing a smile, a kind gesture, a helping hand.  She put tiny foot prints and hand prints in my heart that will never ever go away.  No matter what anyone sees or thinks, she made me a Mommy.  

I am reminded of an article I read awhile back that discusses how when a woman is pregnant she shares genes with her baby and vice versa.  In this way, I know that Faith is and will always be a part of me, and in some way, because of that, she will be part of Joy as well.

I can't wait to tell Joy about Faith someday.  I know it will be quite awhile before Joy is old enough to understand, but someday she will know about her older sister.

I am honored to carry Faith in my heart as I live the rest of my life on this earth.  I thank God for her. She helps me every day, and will until the day I leave this earth.  I am honored that Joy will one day know she has an older sister in Heaven and understand how special that is as well.  

As I continue going about my chores for the day, today, I know that both Faith and Joy are with me. They are not with me in the same way, but both in their own special way.  I cannot describe the love and pain that I feel at the same time, except to say that I know without so much love, there would not be so much pain.  

Looking back at the day Faith went home to be with The Lord, I can now see that I was in a state of shock and disbelief.  I believe this is something that was put inside humans to aid us in the days following such a loss.  However, as time has gone by, it seems that as the shock has gone away, and I now realize what happened and that has actually made the pain greater.  I guess that may always be the case for me.  Only time will tell.  I do know that no matter where this life takes me, I will always wonder what Faith would look like today, what she would be doing, what she would be saying, how she would be...