Capture Your Grief - Day 14 - Dark/Light

Dark/Light is today's Capture Your Grief prompt; focusing on the dark and light of grief.  So, I will discuss a little bit of both the dark and light sides of my grief.  

In the first days after we lost Faith, I experienced some of the darkest days I have ever known.  I honestly didn't care about being alive.  No, let me correct myself, I did not want to live.  I would have given anything to have Faith live.  I still would.

I cannot change what happened.  So, in the midst of my darkness, I must focus on the light of the fact that she is in Heaven now and move forward the way she wants me to.  I have to speak out about what happened to me and do my best to educate others about what they can do if they are facing similar situations as I did.  

I had pre-cancerous cells removed from my cervix prior to my pregnancy with Faith.  These cells were removed with the LEEP procedure, during which part of the cervix is removed to remove the pre-cancerous cells.  This procedure and ANY procedure that involves the cervix should ALWAYS REQUIRE OB/GYNs to put any pregnancy at least at an "at risk" category and do CL (cervical length) checks the entire pregnancy.  Also, currently, doctors will not do a preventative cerclage unless you have a history of IC (incompetent cervix) (i.e. you have had a pre-mature baby or have lost a baby).  I believe that CL checks should be a normal part of ALL pregnancies, but certainly should be done for anyone who has had any type of cervical procedure.  I also believe that if shortening of the cervix is found that preventative cerclages should be done in the early weeks (12-15) of pregnancy.

I have also started this blog, as well as a business Faith Melody Memories in an effort to help myself and others who may be going through similar loss(es).  

My perspective of life has changed so much since we lost Faith.  I have a new huge respect for God, my parents, and also want to love more and live life to the fullest possible.  There is so much in life now that simply doesn't matter.  There are important things in life and there are unimportant things.  I know have a different view of life in general.  My priorities are different.  I am thankful to be alive. 

So, since I am alive, I can share my view with you.  Here it is: If God blesses me with waking up tomorrow for yet another day, I will love the best I can and do my best to reach out to others in any way I can.  I figure if I am still here, I still have work to do.

In conclusion, what I have to say about dark and light inside my grief are these things: 1) God created us to grieve when we encounter loss - if you are going through loss, please know that you need to grieve, cry, etc...in order to go through it.  2) In the midst of the dark in grief, there is light if you look for it.  Use your experience to help and love others.  

In your grief, go through your dark, but through your darkness, let your Light shine.