Capture Your Grief - Day 7 - Memory

Today's Capture Your Grief topic is Memory.  I have so many wonderful memories of Faith that I could share; finding out that I was pregnant with her, seeing her first ultrasound, hearing her heartbeat for the first time, feeling her move for the first time, talking to her, singing to her...

However, today, I have decided to share a little more of a private memory that I have with Faith; one of the most cherished memories I have, spending time with her in the hospital the day she was born into Heaven.

I'll never forget holding my beautiful baby Faith and telling her how sorry I was.  I gave her the only bath she would ever receive and dressed her in the only outfit & diaper she would ever wear (tears streaming down my cheeks now...).  I am so glad that I was able to spend this time with her and able to do those things.  I also helped the nurse get her hand and foot prints.

At first it seemed strange to be asked it I wanted to bathe my daughter, but in retrospect, I am SO VERY glad I did.  It was the only chance I had and I feel for those who didn't get that chance or didn't take it and later wish they had.

All these things that happened the day Faith was born into Heaven combine into one "Memory" of her for me.  She forever lives in my heart and I am honored to be her Mommy.  I look back at this moment in time and remember her.  I truly believe this memory will be one of my most devastating and somehow also one of my most wonderful memories.  

I love you and miss you so much Faith.

View from the Waiting Room

I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital to see my MFM specialist earlier today.  There were quite a few people in the waiting room.  As we were waiting, a man wheeled a Mom & her newborn boy down & stopped to wait for their car to pull up. A lady was with them pushing a cart of the Mom's belongings & gifts that were sent for them.

I had to fight back tears as they sat there. Memories of leaving the hospital last April without Faith flooded me.  Someone in the waiting room made a comment that the guy pushing the Mom's wheelchair has a fun job. I thought to myself, yeah, I guess most of the time, yes, he has a fun job.  I was once again reminded of a time when I too, was ignorant of what sometimes happens.

Part of me wanted to tell that Mom how blessed she is. Part of me wanted to break down. Then our Princess, Joy gave me a kick & I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with love & smile.  As I looked at this woman & her precious newborn leaving the hospital, I knew that will be me in 7 weeks or less & I am thrilled beyond belief.  

This pregnancy has been quite an interesting mix of feelings & emotions, but ultimately, it has been one of the most amazing times of my life thus far and I look forward to Joy being born so much so I can hold her in my arms.