Capture Your Grief - Day 10 - Words

Words are the topic of today's Capture Your Grief project.  There are no words to express how much I love and miss Faith.  As soon as I read the topic for today, I immediately knew how I would do my blog post for today.  I haven't written in my Faith journal since her birthday and this gave me the perfect opportunity to do so.  I will be writing more often to her and will also be writing in a matching journal that I have for Joy.

I wrote to Faith in our journal and told her how much I love and miss her.  I also told her about her sister and how she is doing.  Writing in this Faith journal has been a great healing tool for me and has given me a new creative outlet as well.

While I know I can never really truly express in words what I feel for Faith, writing is a great way to at least begin to get my feelings out for her.  My Faith journal is a place I feel like we come to meet when I write.

So today, I urge you to write something down...your thoughts for the day, an idea you have, a note to a friend, a to do list, anything at all...expressing your thoughts using words is very helpful in many ways.  If you are going through a grief journey, like myself, or if you are simply planning your day.  God gave us words to use in a positive way.  Words are very powerful.  I challenge you today to write something down that has special meaning to you, as I did to Faith in our journal.

Happy First Birthday Faith

Today is Faith's first birthday.  I had a difficult day, off and on.  This morning I woke up and went to go get her some balloons.  Then I needed to go to the grocery store to get a few items.  After that I headed back home and got to work on Faith's cake.  

It was't perfect, but I am pretty pleased at how it turned out.  It was lemon decorated with pink frosting.  I put hibiscus flowers all the way around it and a pink sparkly #1 candle on top.  

We also transferred Faith's ashes into a beautiful urn that we purchased.  It was a strange day and evening, but also very healing for us, I believe. 

Just now, I wrote to Faith in my journal, which was nice, as I haven't done that in awhile.  It helped me a lot to write to her.  I wrote her about today and about a year ago the day she was born.  

It was difficult, but also helpful for me. Also, I think it is very important to write down those details that I remember now that I may not remember as the years go by.  

Today has been one of the most difficult days I've had in awhile, in regards to Faith.  While I do think of her frequently, and talk about her, typically, it is not an all day affair, as it was today.  I think it was very important in my journey for me to do this, however.  We were created to grieve and it is an important process that we all need to go through in our own way and in our own time.

I love and miss Faith every day, and I will continue to do so as long as I am here.  She is and will always be my first daughter.

Happy Birthday, Faith.  Mommy loves and misses you baby girl.

Capture Your Grief - Day 7 - Sacred Place

The topic for today's Capture Your Grief is Sacred Place.  While I was at work today, a good part of my day was thinking about Faith (big surprise).  

I must say, though, that what I really wanted to do was to come home and write in the journal that I just started writing in for/to her (special thanks to Carly Marie and the Capture Your Grief project - Day 5).

As I was feeling a great need to be at home and write in my journal, I realized that doing so, for me, is like being able to spend time with Faith.  

I know as the time goes by that there will be many ways that I will be able to spend time with her, but for now, this is a very big part of my "Faith & Me" time.

I do not, as of yet, have one place (i.e. the beach, a park, the forest) on earth that I go to spend time with Faith.  For now, my sacred place is my journal.  It fills my heart with love and joy to be able to go to my journal and write to Faith, for Faith, about Faith, for me...

While I do feel Faith with me always, and especially when I am enjoying the beauty of nature, my journal, no, Our Journal, will forever be Our Sacred Place.

Capture Your Grief - Day 5 - Journal

The Day 5 Capture Your Grief prompt is Journal.

When I was pregnant with Faith, my husband and I bought the beautiful leather bound journal you see in my pictures here so that I could write down my experiences throughout my pregnancy.  I knew that this would be something really cool that Faith and I could read together years later and have some great laughs and share the special time together.  

Little did we know that she would not be with us here.  I did actually write a page prior to purchasing the journal on a notebook paper, so that paper is now in a clear protector in the journal.

After we got moved into our new home, I came across the journal, and set it aside in our bedroom.  I had mixed feelings about what I wanted to do with the journal.  Giving it away crossed my mind, as I felt like if I couldn't use it for what it was originally meant for, then maybe I didn't want it at all.  I have since looked at it a few times and quickly shifted my focus to something else, still unsure of what I wanted to do with it.

Well, today's Capture Your Grief prompt, Journal, got me pondering the special journal yet again.  I decided that I will now use the journal to write to, for, and with Faith, and for myself.  So, today, I began writing in the journal and I must say that it has already helped me.  I am so glad that I did not give it away, but kept it to be used at the proper time.  

I will continue to write in this journal and express my true love, feelings, and life, as I move forward on my journey of life with Faith in my heart.  She is and will always be my baby girl, and I will write in this journal for her.