Capture Your Grief - Day 25 - Earth Remembrance

Earth Remembrance, that is yesterday's Capture Your Grief topic.  I got a day behind, so I am catching up!!  Gotta stick with it!  

Last year, my husband and I planted this beautiful red hibiscus plant in our backyard in honor and memory of Faith.  It is now very tall and beautiful.  I will have to post a more recent picture of it soon, but wanted to share this picture with this particular post.  I really like this picture a lot.  I look at myself in this picture and remember that through all the pain of losing Faith, I am still mostly a happy person.  Faith still brings happiness to me, even though she lives in Heaven.  I look at this plant daily and think of my beautiful daughter.  It grows and blooms, just as my love for Faith does. 

I believe planting a plant or tree in honor of a loved one is a great idea, especially if you can see it often.  It does something wonderful for your soul.  I am not sure why, but it does.  It's as if you watch yourself growing right along with the plant in your grief journey.  

I will continue to look at this beautiful plant every day and think of Faith...

Capture Your Grief - Day 22 - Dreams + Rituals

Dreams + Rituals, that is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  Do I have any dreams for my future?  The simple answer to this question is yes.  I have many dreams for my future.  I would love to see my jewelry business in honor of Faith continue to grow and grow.  I also look forward to continuing to see Joy grow and one day to tell her about her older sister, Faith.

I also believe that when the time is right, I will be able to help others going through this tremendous loss in some way.  I have thought about volunteering for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  I have also thought about reaching out to local hospitals and other organizations to do presentations to educate people regarding pregnancy and infant loss.  I believe that The Lord will open the doors for me to do something like this when I am ready emotionally to do so.

I don't really have any rituals regarding Faith's birthday or other special days.  This past year, we had a birthday cake for her on her first birthday.  On her due date we released balloons for her.  I believe moving forward we'll probably go out to eat on her birthday to "celebrate".  I imagine I will wear the shirt that I had made for myself with her footprints, name and birthday...

Mommy misses and loves you so much Faith.

Capture Your Grief - Day 17 - Secondary Losses

Yesterday's Capture Your Grief topic is Secondary Losses.  I can honestly say that I believe the secondary loss I had when Faith died was her life as a whole.  In this I include her relationship, her love, seeing her "firsts", watching her grow, seeing her walk, talk, drive, graduate, marry, have children of her own, etc...

I guess there are countless secondary losses I feel when describing losing Faith.  When you think of what a person's life encompasses throughout their entire life, this is a huge loss.  Every moment of the rest of my life, I have lost something that I should be sharing with Faith.  

There is no healing from this "secondary" loss.  It is something you simply have to live with for the rest of  your life.

Capture Your Grief - Day 12 - Normalizing Grief

Normalizing Grief...that is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  As I take a look at my grief journey, I suppose the thing that I look at as "strange" is that I slept with the teddy bear that was with Faith in the hospital for the entire year after she died.  I still find enormous comfort in holding this bear, although I no longer sleep with it every night.  It is strange to me that I slept with it every night for so long, and yet, it is not strange.  I don't know if that even makes sense, but it does to me.  

With every passing day, I read about others' grief journeys and realize more and more that there is no "normal" way to go through loss.  It is normal to grieve, but we all do it in so many different ways.  I am also learning that like everything else in life, my grief changes sometimes by the minute, hour, and of course by the day.  Sometimes I choose to look back, remember, cry, and grieve.  Other times, it sneaks up on me in an uncontrollable wave of emotions.  Each time is different and yet special.

I know this teddy bear will always be one of my most prized possessions.  This bear and the outfit I dressed Faith in on the day she was born, are the only items I have that touched her.

I love and miss you so much Faith.

Capture Your Grief - Day 6 - Books

Today's Capture Your Grief topic is Books.  I I haven't read a lot of books since Faith passed, but one that my Mom gave me entitled A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul really touched me.  There are a lot of touching stories in this book and I highly recommend it for any and all mothers.

The stories in this book have helped me to reflect.  Mainly they are of course about moms with living children, so they made me miss Faith so much and dream of what she would be like if she were here.  I believe this is an important in my grieving process.

Capture Your Grief 2015

Last year I did this project called Capture Your Grief and it helped me tremendously.  October is So, I am doing it again this year.  You can see the details here.  It is 6:38 AM here and the sunrise doesn't happen until 7:22 AM, or so the internet told me... so I have a little while to let my coffee soak in...maybe I'll have a second cup!  

I am really looking forward to using this project to reflect on Faith this month.  I have changed so much since we lost her last April in so many ways.  

Please join me as I walk down this path...