Capture Your Grief - Day 17 - Secondary Losses

Yesterday's Capture Your Grief topic is Secondary Losses.  I can honestly say that I believe the secondary loss I had when Faith died was her life as a whole.  In this I include her relationship, her love, seeing her "firsts", watching her grow, seeing her walk, talk, drive, graduate, marry, have children of her own, etc...

I guess there are countless secondary losses I feel when describing losing Faith.  When you think of what a person's life encompasses throughout their entire life, this is a huge loss.  Every moment of the rest of my life, I have lost something that I should be sharing with Faith.  

There is no healing from this "secondary" loss.  It is something you simply have to live with for the rest of  your life.

Capture Your Grief - Day 8 - Wish List

Wish List is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  Where do I begin with my wish list for my grief journey?  I suppose I want others to remember Faith, first and foremost.  I also sincerely want to speak out and educate others about what happened to me and Faith in hopes that we can save other precious babies so that her death will not be in vain.

I wish that with every passing day my love and relationship with Faith will continue to grow.  I wish to teach our second daughter, Joy, about her big sister when she is old enough to understand.

I think I have so many wishes it is difficult to decide what all to write about...

I wish that as time passes, my heart will continue to heal.  Although I know the pain I feel will never go away, with time, I believe the pain will continue to grow into more love.  I know losing Faith will always be gut wrenching for me, but I would like to think that someday my love for her will be stronger than the pain.  Although, it may never be, because when you love someone so much, that is why there is so much pain...

Darling Daughter

Today, I have thought a lot about Faith.  My love for her continues to grow as each day passes and I continue to have the best relationship that I can with her.  I know she is in Heaven doing some pretty amazing things!

My husband and I had an amazing time in Buenos Aires.  We are relaxing and also getting ready to put up our Christmas tree.  We got the tree today, so we'll be working on getting the lights on it shortly.  This will truly be a special and blessed Christmas for us this year.

I need to make an ornament with Faith's name for the tree.  It will be very nice.  She is and will continue to be a part of our everyday lives.  The holidays will always include her in a special way.  

She is and will always be our darling daughter.

Missing Faith

We are still on our trip. I don't know too much to say today except that I miss Faith very much. 

I miss her more at certain times than at others. I guess that's "normal". Every time I see a baby (or young girl), when I pass a shop with baby items, when I see others playing with their child/children...I miss Faith. 

I do have a relationship with her, although it's not the "traditional" mother-daughter relationship. I talk to her frequently. She's constantly on my mind & always in my heart. 

I know I have grown (& grown up) so much over the past year: physically, mentally, & spiritually. Not that I wanted to, but I have been forced to. 

While my heart aches for my daughter, know this: I appreciate life & all it's wonders now more than I ever did before. While I would certainly rather have Faith with me, I know that she's taught me to live & love in ways I never knew possible. For that, Faith, my Princess, thank you. ❤️

Capture Your Grief - Day 21 - Relationship

Today's Capture Your Grief prompt is Relationship.  I don't really know where to start on this topic. My relationship with my husband has always been great.  It has, however, changed (this is sort-of a given), following our losing Faith.  

I have a new love for my husband that I never knew before.  It is difficult to explain, but anyone who is in this same journey understands. I love him more every day in a new way.

Now, to move on to my relationship with Faith.  I continue to be amazed at the relationship that I have with Faith, even though she is in Heaven.  She teaches me things daily.  Faith has taught me so much and I know she will continue to do so.  I now understand the love a mother has for her child.  I also have a better understanding of my true home being in Heaven and not here on earth.  

I have a growing wonderful relationship with my daughter.  I talk to her daily and she is very real to me.  I don't know how it all works in Heaven, but I feel as though she can hear and feel me.  

Although I miss and grieve for my daughter all the time, I now know that I can still have an amazing relationship with her while I am on this earth even though she is not physically with me.  

Faith and I will continue to have a wonderful relationship...every day...I love you my darling daughter.