I have been getting some things done around the house today. I have thought quite a bit about Faith today also. Although I know she is in Heaven now, I frequently feel as though she is with me also. As I feel Joy moving and kicking now, as I am now 4 days into week 29 of my pregnancy with her, it seems as though they are both with me.
I see Faith in the beauty of nature, the soft breeze on my face, the warm sun shining, and the mighty sound of the ocean. I feel Faith in my everyday life, as I strive to live as I know she would want me to live...sharing a smile, a kind gesture, a helping hand. She put tiny foot prints and hand prints in my heart that will never ever go away. No matter what anyone sees or thinks, she made me a Mommy.
I am reminded of an article I read awhile back that discusses how when a woman is pregnant she shares genes with her baby and vice versa. In this way, I know that Faith is and will always be a part of me, and in some way, because of that, she will be part of Joy as well.
I can't wait to tell Joy about Faith someday. I know it will be quite awhile before Joy is old enough to understand, but someday she will know about her older sister.
I am honored to carry Faith in my heart as I live the rest of my life on this earth. I thank God for her. She helps me every day, and will until the day I leave this earth. I am honored that Joy will one day know she has an older sister in Heaven and understand how special that is as well.
As I continue going about my chores for the day, today, I know that both Faith and Joy are with me. They are not with me in the same way, but both in their own special way. I cannot describe the love and pain that I feel at the same time, except to say that I know without so much love, there would not be so much pain.
Looking back at the day Faith went home to be with The Lord, I can now see that I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I believe this is something that was put inside humans to aid us in the days following such a loss. However, as time has gone by, it seems that as the shock has gone away, and I now realize what happened and that has actually made the pain greater. I guess that may always be the case for me. Only time will tell. I do know that no matter where this life takes me, I will always wonder what Faith would look like today, what she would be doing, what she would be saying, how she would be...