Over the last 8 months, I have loved being pregnant with Joy. I cannot believe she will be born in about 6 weeks or less. There have been so many emotions and feelings that have been inside me during this pregnancy.
Most of the time, I am beyond thrilled, and extremely happy. However, there are a few times that I have been scared and a small part of me still is...but not for the reason(s) most people would think...
I am not scared to give birth, of the pain, of any of that part. That may be crazy, but that doesn't scare me.
I am scared that Joy will look like Faith. I am scared that Joy will not look like Faith. I am scared that as I hold Joy in my arms I will miss Faith more than I already do now. I am scared that I as we leave the hospital with Joy, the feeling that I failed Faith will come back all the more.
I am scared that as I have my "firsts" with Joy, my heart will miss all the "firsts" I will never have with Faith. I am scared that as I love Joy it will make me miss Faith all the more. I don't know if that makes any sense at all at this point, but for some reason that is how I feel right now and it makes sense to me.
I know that Joy will literally be our pride and joy. I thank God for blessing us with both Faith and Joy. Joy is moving around as I write this, and feeling her makes me so happy.
I will always think of Faith and wonder how she would be, what she would look like, what we'd be doing if she were here. I know that as I love and watch Joy grow, I will always have a place in my heart that will long for her sister.
Despite being so happy and loving Joy, I know that part of me will always be a bit scared...