15th of the Month...

Well, today is the 15th again.  Another month has gone by, and it has now been 5 months since Faith was born.  It is so strange and surreal that Faith has come into our lives and gone home to Heaven. The 15th will forever be a special day for me.  I have gone through so many emotions, some of which I do not understand myself.

I know that I continue to play what happened that day over and over in my mind.  I may always on the 15th of the month.  I do not know.  But I also know that as the seconds, minutes, hours, and days go by, my love for Faith continues to grow far beyond what I can even describe.

Faith will always be my beautiful baby girl.  I think of her constantly and want nothing more than to hold her in my arms again.

Today, and every 15th of every month, I will remember Faith's precious life with us and think of the glorious day when we'll hold each other again.

When I look at pictures of Faith, I am constantly drawn in by how beautiful her little body is.  I can close my eyes and remember the soft touch of her skin, the perfection of her small hands and feet, her beautiful soft auburn hair...

...but most of all, I can close my eyes and remember all those things, and feel the never-ending love that I felt as I held the most precious gift I have ever held in my arms...

...my darling daughter, My Faith Melody.

Nominated for a Liebster Award

I was nominated by Kaitlyn for a Liebster Award!  I am very honored by this nomination.  Thank you so much for the nomination, Kaitlyn.  Please check out her blog and give her some love.

So what is The Liebster Award?

Liebster is a German word for beloved. The award is given to up and coming bloggers. 

Its a great way to discover new bloggers. This award is especially special (ha ha) to me, because I started this blog in honor of my BELOVED daughter, Faith.  This is for you baby girl!

The rules for the Liebster Award:

1. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you by linking back to their blog.  If you want you can also display the Liebster Award Button on your blog. The button can be found here: Liebster Award Button.

2. Answer eleven questions that  have been given to you. 

3. Give eleven random facts about yourself.

4. Nominate eleven blogs you think deserve the award. Try and make sure they have 200 followers or less. 

5. Let the blogger know you have nominated them.

6. Give them eleven questions to answer.

Here are the 11 questions that were given to me to answer along with my answers:

1. Who is your biggest inspiration?  This is a tough question for me to answer.  I have a few people that top   my list, but for me it is my husband and my daughter, Faith. (who lives in Heaven).

2. If you could try any job for a day, what would it be?  There are so many cool jobs to choose from...hmmm...right now I would say a Photographer for National Geographic.

3. Are you more of a cat or dog person?  I am a dog person for sure.

4. If you could go back in time and change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  That's an easy one, I would have my daughter live.

5. What is the one thing you want to do but don't dare?  I will say sky dive for now, but who knows, someday maybe I will do it.

6. What is your best beauty secret?  Minimal natural makeup and a big smile!

7. Do you live by any philosophy or motto?  Philosophy

8. What makes you nervous?  Heights, which is funny, because I love flying!

9. What is one thing on your bucket list?  More World Travel

10. What is your greatest achievement?  Outside of salvation, and marriage, I would have to say my daughter, Faith.

11. What was the most embarrassing moment in your life?  I really don't remember being embarrassed too much in my life...

Here are 11 random facts about myself:

1. I enjoy arts and crafts.

2. My husband and I were married in New Mexico.

3. I now collect and wear "Faith" jewelry.

4. I enjoy singing.

5. I enjoy organizing and decorating.

6. I enjoy shoes. (and have quite the collection!)

7. I really enjoy going to the beach.

     - the sound of the ocean

     - the feeling of white sand on my feet

8. I have lived in 5 states in the U.S. 

     - at one point in time living in every time zone on the continental U.S.

9. I enjoy helping other people.

10. I married my best friend

11. I enjoy writing.

     - my blog 

     - books that I believe I am supposed to write about my daughter, Faith, as well as a couple other topics

Here are my 11 questions for those I nominate:

1. What is your blog about?

2. Why did you start your blog?

3. If you have more than one blog, answer #1 for your other blog.

4. If you have more than one blog, answer #2 for your other blog.

5. What do you like to do in your free time?

6. What is your favorite color?

7. What is your favorite food?

8.  What is your favorite way to help others?

9. If you could go on a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

10. If you could spend a day with someone that has died, who would that be and what would you do?

11. Have you told those you love that you love them today?

My Nominations for a Liebster Award Are:

1. Brittany Dooly

2. Everyone Likes Pictures

3. The Chubbie One
4. This Journey
5. Sammy Noodles
6. Owen Bryant
7. Paula
8. Fotographic Memories
9. Tee's Closet
10. Jessica
11. Molly

Best of luck all and I hope you can learn about some new bloggers as well.
God Bless!

You Want Me To Pay For What?

One of my friends, Beth, messaged me on Facebook today and gave me my blog topic for today (or at least one topic for the day)...the financial aspect of losing a baby.

When you lose a baby, you now face a roller coaster of emotions and a grief that you must live with for the rest of  your life.  Let me just say that the bills that will come when this happens to you is The LAST thing you will think about, until they start coming in the mail.

Let me share my experience with you regarding the bills.  Without going into too much detail, I can say first of all, assuming you gave birth in a hospital, you will most likely be facing a handful of large bills.  The hospital bill will most likely be the most expensive.  If you needed an ambulance ride, there is yet another bill.  

This can all be SO OVERWHELMING, especially when you are trying to grieve for the child you just lost.

While I don't know how every hospital/medical group works, I can speak from my knowledge regarding the subject.  Here is what I know.  First of all, these places charge your insurance first (assuming you have health insurance).  After that, they will send you a bill for the remaining balance due.  *Note here from another Facebook friend, Pam - call your insurance company as soon as possible to see how much you will need to pay and how much they will cover.*

Once you get those bills, I would suggest you contact the financial department in the hospital or medical group and ask if they have financial assistance programs and request the forms to fill out for such a program.  A lot of hospitals/medical groups have financial assistance, but you need to ask for the forms, they most likely will not tell you about it if you are paying.  A lot of hospitals will also give you a percentage of discount (up to 100%) depending on your family size and income.  ASK for help.  If you do not ask, you will not know.

Some medical groups do not have any financial assistance program, but will be willing to set up payment arrangements with you.  Most likely ANY medical group will set this up for you if you cannot pay the balance all at once.  Think of it this way, they would rather you make payments than nothing at all.  These payment arrangements are great to take advantage of especially if they do not charge interest.  I know that some do not charge any interest.  If you are not sure, again, let me reiterate, ASK.

I completely understand the drama and life altering event of losing a baby.  It was brought to my attention that no one really talks about this side of the loss, so I wanted to at least address it on the surface.

I hope this information is useful for you and will in some way help you if you are facing this situation.

The Nest

Today, I was blessed with a lovely necklace and a poem made by a beautiful friend.  This truly touched my heart that she would make this for me and the poem is perfect.  As emotions run high for people who have lost a child, these are some very true and comforting words.  We will be together again, our beautiful Faith.

I am so honored to have this necklace and can wear it as a beautiful reminder of God's promise to us that we'll see Faith again in Heaven.  If you know anyone who is grieving the loss of a child, please feel free to share this poem with them.

We love you Faith Melody!

Here is what the poem says:

The Nest

The Spirit of God alighted on Jesus in the form of a dove.

This same Spirit guides my family with His never-ending love.

Inside this little next you'll find two eggs resting there.

One for me, and one for Owen.  The perfect family pair.

Our baby, Faith, flew back to God leaving behind a feather.

A tiny reminder that God has promised one day we'll be together.

The Beach

Today, my husband and I went to the beach.  It was a (and still is) a cloudy, lovely summer day; perfect for the beach!  I just love the feeling of that beautiful white sand on my feet.  Listening to and walking in the ocean feels wonderful too.

While being at the beach was wonderful, it was also painful.  As we walked along the shoreline, I saw kids playing in the sand and in the water, and watched as parents held their babies and took pictures.  While part of my heart was glad for the little ones, it also hurt so much that we don't have Faith with us to enjoy those things with.

I guess we'll just have to wait to build sandcastles with Faith until we can do so along The River of Life in Heaven.  I am quite certain that we will build beautiful sand castles there.

Until then, we love you, sweet Faith Melody Bryant.

XO

Out of Place

I am sitting on our love seat and holding my Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries in our dining area. I enjoy sitting here frequently, as it is a very comfy place to relax.  I am thinking about my day today...

This afternoon I was sitting outside.  I really enjoy looking at and watching the small lizards that run around everywhere here.  So I was enjoying the afternoon and watching a lizard.  I then had an overwhelming feeling of being out of place; not geographically, but in general.

As I ponder my "out of place" feeling today, I realize I have felt that way since Faith went home to be with The Lord.  It really is a great way to express how I feel a lot lately.  I was on a clear path until a huge stumbling block (to say the least) was placed in my life.  Unfortunately I was not given a choice on the path to choose.

I understand, now, more than ever, the feeling of being out of place.

Please do not get me wrong.  I know that I am still very blessed and have a lot to be thankful for in this life on earth.

I also know that I feel like a mother and at the same time I don't.  It is very strange.  I see people pregnant and having babies all around me and while a part of me is thankful for their life and blessing, my heart is so torn that they get to have their babies and I do not have mine.

So, when I think about this feeling I am experiencing on my grief journey, I suppose I couldn't put it much better than "out of place".  A huge piece of my heart is with Faith in Heaven now, so this feeling I have is very accurate, in that a piece of my heart is truly...

Out of Place...

Momentos Update

I am currently working to get my office (Faith's room) in order so that I can get to work on momentos.  I have been brainstorming and coming up with other ideas that I am adding to my list.  I am getting very excited to show you!

Along with momentos for people who have lost a child(ren), I am working on some ideas for momentos of other family members that have gone to Heaven as well...

I should have some more work done this weekend, so please check back for more information!