Being Thankful

This evening I am reflecting on today and being thankful.  I was thinking of Faith earlier this evening when my husband and I were spending time with Joy and having such a wonderful time.  I found myself wondering about what Faith would be life if she were here today.  I miss her so much sometimes.  I cannot help but wonder how she sounds, what she looks like, etc...someday I will know.  

As I reflect and wonder about what Faith is like now in Heaven, I must always remember to be thankful for what I do have here with me now.  I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful, sweet daughter, Joy.  

I am also surrounded now by other family and friends, who make my life so wonderful.  We are now living in the country where I grew up, and I am SO thankful that God has brought us here to raise Joy in the slower paced, more relaxed, family friendly atmosphere.  

I was looking out over the country sky this evening earlier telling my husband that it is still surreal that we are here for me.  I am so very happy and at peace here.  I love it here and I feel like I am HOME again.

I am thankful for knowing that God has placed us here to do some great things.  I have some very special things that He has placed in my heart to do, and I feel that once I get unpacked and settled in, that I can begin to start working on those things.  

No matter what life throws at you, always remember to be thankful for who and what you have.

Capture Your Grief 2015 - Day 1 - Sunrise

 As I begin my Capture Your Grief journey for this year, I am reflecting on life.  But not just any life, the life of our daughter, Faith.  While her life was brief, it has had one of the most profound impacts on my life.

So many people have had a great impact on me and have contributed to the person I am today.  Faith is one of those people, perhaps one of the most important...

I did not see the sun coming up this morning, but could see the effects at approx. 7:17 AM in FL/USA.  I took these pictures in our backyard as the sun was coming up.  

The hibiscus flower that we planted in Faith's honor has grown so much over the past year.  It is a beautiful reminder to me of her beautiful life.  I look at it so much and love watching it grow.  

As I was enjoying the early morning sky I caught this little frog close to our back door.  As I watched him I thought of life and how amazing it is.  God has given us so much to be thankful for.  As I reflect on the "sunrise" or beginning of Faith's life, I remember being so in love with her and thrilled that I was pregnant.  She is a constant reminder to me of how brief life on this earth is and that we truly need to walk in the fruit of the Spirit each day that we are blessed with while we are here.  Love one another.  Life is too short to do anything else. 

As the sun "rises" on this project, I reflect back to the beginning and am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to carry Faith.  She made me a mother.  She will always be my baby girl and though I cannot yet hold her in my arms, I will always hold her in my heart.

A New Year With Faith - Thankful

As I begin the new year, this year, I am thinking of all the things I have that I am thankful for.  I have so much to be thankful for: a wonderful husband, great family, nice friends, a warm place to lay my head, food to eat, and so much more...

I am sure some of you already know by now, that I am now pregnant with our second child.  While I am thankful for and very thrilled by this, I am also scared.  Many emotions come into play for me, some of which I have not experienced, and could not have experienced had I not lost Faith. You can only know these feelings if you have experienced this type of loss.

I know The Lord is with me every step of the way.  For that, I am MOST thankful.  I also believe very much that while Faith is not with us in body, that she is with us in spirit and watching over her new young sister or brother.

What are you thankful for this year?

Capture Your Grief - Day 18 - Gratitude

Gratitude is today's Capture Your Grief prompt. I am glad this is one of the topics for the project. It really hits home for me.  While I have gone through so many emotions after losing Faith, one that has actually surprised me is a feeling a gratitude. 

While there are a lot of things I am grateful for, I will focus this post on a few of them, for the sake of time.

First, I am grateful to be alive on this earth. While I am sure I felt this gratitude before, there is something about being told you would have died if you weren't in the hospital, that makes you pretty thankful that you are alive.

I am also thankful for my wonderful husband, family, and friends.  I would not be where I am today if it were not for all of them.  So many people have supported and loved us through our loss and I thank God for all of them.  

I now have so much gratitude for the "little" things in life.  This morning, I saw the sun coming up from one of our favorite parks and took a few pictures.  At that moment, I was grateful for the cup of Starbucks in my hand and being able to watch the sunrise from the beautiful park.  

Finally, for time's sake, I will discuss how grateful I am to be Faith's mommy.  No one can take away the time she and I shared as she grew in my womb.  She is mine and I am hers.  Regardless of anything that has happened, I am her mommy.  She will live forever and I wouldn't change that for anything.  I am grateful that we have her hand prints and foot prints.  I am grateful for the time we were able to spend with her at the hospital.  I am grateful that we have a lot of good pictures of her and us from the day she was born.  I am grateful for the pictures we took of all of us at the funeral home.  

Faith is and will forever be my baby girl...for that...I am grateful.

Out of Place

I am sitting on our love seat and holding my Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries in our dining area. I enjoy sitting here frequently, as it is a very comfy place to relax.  I am thinking about my day today...

This afternoon I was sitting outside.  I really enjoy looking at and watching the small lizards that run around everywhere here.  So I was enjoying the afternoon and watching a lizard.  I then had an overwhelming feeling of being out of place; not geographically, but in general.

As I ponder my "out of place" feeling today, I realize I have felt that way since Faith went home to be with The Lord.  It really is a great way to express how I feel a lot lately.  I was on a clear path until a huge stumbling block (to say the least) was placed in my life.  Unfortunately I was not given a choice on the path to choose.

I understand, now, more than ever, the feeling of being out of place.

Please do not get me wrong.  I know that I am still very blessed and have a lot to be thankful for in this life on earth.

I also know that I feel like a mother and at the same time I don't.  It is very strange.  I see people pregnant and having babies all around me and while a part of me is thankful for their life and blessing, my heart is so torn that they get to have their babies and I do not have mine.

So, when I think about this feeling I am experiencing on my grief journey, I suppose I couldn't put it much better than "out of place".  A huge piece of my heart is with Faith in Heaven now, so this feeling I have is very accurate, in that a piece of my heart is truly...

Out of Place...