Baking with Faith

Today I have spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen doing some baking.  I made a turkey breast pot pie for us for dinner.  It turned out very well.  

After that, I started putting together sugar cookie dough.  This recipe is one of my favorites for sugar cookies.  It has sour cream, so they have a soft tangy taste.

I miss Faith a lot today, but I know as I am baking and enjoying the holiday spirit, she is with me.

Yesterday, I baked some chocolate chip cookies and also made some lemon squares.  They were both delicious.  We have been putting up Christmas lights and playing games.  It has been nice to relax and get into the Christmas spirit since we returned from Buenos Aires.  

Right now we have the door and a couple windows open and it is wonderful weather.  As the breeze is blowing in the trees, I feel Faith with me.  I miss her and will always miss her, a part of me is gone. I know that while a part of me is gone, a part of her lives in my heart always.

I love you Faith.

Capture Your Grief - Day 27 - Express

The Capture Your Grief prompt for today is Express. This is a prompt giving us the ability to express anything we want today.  So, today, I will express my love for Faith.  

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I experienced many feelings, thoughts, and emotions, but none so great as love. 

I feel pain and tremendous ache for my daughter, but the feeling I have most for her is love.  It is strange to me that somehow, although she is not with me, I can have a relationship with her.  Since I can see her in me, she constantly makes me want to be a better person.

I will always hold Faith in my heart.  Every day I feel like my relationship with her grows.  Every day I feel as though she is here with me.  Every day I love her more than the day before.  

As time continues to go by, I know The Lord will continue to see me through.  With each passing day, our love brings me nearer to you.  I love you Faith.

Capture Your Grief - Day 2 - Heart

Today is Day 2 of Capture Your Grief - Heart.  Here is the picture that I drew to represent my heart. I just kind of started and this is what I ended up with.  I really like how it came out.  

As I was creating it, I began by the prompting of Carly's directions by putting Faith's name in the heart. Then I decided that I needed to put the blue around her, as losing her made me BLUE. But then, the blue around her name evolved as I continued to draw, and it became a cloud.  

I do not doubt that a part of my heart will always carry the "blue" from the loss of Faith, however, the love that I have for her, will live on as I share her love with others.

As I look at the cloud that I drew around Faith's name on the representation of my heart, I realize that Faith is now in Heaven, but she is and will always be floating in my heart, just like the clouds in the sky.

Out of Place

I am sitting on our love seat and holding my Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries in our dining area. I enjoy sitting here frequently, as it is a very comfy place to relax.  I am thinking about my day today...

This afternoon I was sitting outside.  I really enjoy looking at and watching the small lizards that run around everywhere here.  So I was enjoying the afternoon and watching a lizard.  I then had an overwhelming feeling of being out of place; not geographically, but in general.

As I ponder my "out of place" feeling today, I realize I have felt that way since Faith went home to be with The Lord.  It really is a great way to express how I feel a lot lately.  I was on a clear path until a huge stumbling block (to say the least) was placed in my life.  Unfortunately I was not given a choice on the path to choose.

I understand, now, more than ever, the feeling of being out of place.

Please do not get me wrong.  I know that I am still very blessed and have a lot to be thankful for in this life on earth.

I also know that I feel like a mother and at the same time I don't.  It is very strange.  I see people pregnant and having babies all around me and while a part of me is thankful for their life and blessing, my heart is so torn that they get to have their babies and I do not have mine.

So, when I think about this feeling I am experiencing on my grief journey, I suppose I couldn't put it much better than "out of place".  A huge piece of my heart is with Faith in Heaven now, so this feeling I have is very accurate, in that a piece of my heart is truly...

Out of Place...

Another Day on My Journey

Today overall has been a good day.  I have opened some moving boxes in my office (Faith's room) and have started putting things away.  Thank goodness it seems that my Cricut and sewing machine are found and functional.

I have been thinking of how I want to decorate my office and I think I may put up Faith and girly stuff to remind me of her.  I came across some beautiful bright sparkly butterflies last night and I may put them on a wall with Faith's name in vinyl letters...just a passing thought.

Although I miss Faith SO VERY much and think about her all the time, I am slowly beginning to enjoy some of the little things in life again.  Although I have moments that I break down and things that trigger these moments, these emotions do not control my life.  I know these moments will always come when I allow them or when I see or hear a trigger.

I love and miss my baby girl with all my heart.  She is and will always be the light of my life.  My love grows stronger for her every day, which makes me miss her every day.

This makes me realize that while every day in my journey of life will be different, they will each be the same in that I will always hold Faith in my heart until we meet again in Heaven on that joyous day.