Faith Melody Memories - My "Ah Hah" Moment - Why I Do What I Do

So, I've decided I don't feel like getting the work I need to do done tonight. Just one of those nights. I've been taking some pics of my jewelry to update my Etsy shop with and was thinking about why I make jewelry.

As I was taking some pictures, I tried on a couple pairs of earrings (one was a pair of freshwater pearls like you have Jen Anderson). 

When I tried them on I went over to the mirror to see what they looked like on me.As I tried these earrings on, I said jewelry makes me feel pretty. That, in a nutshell, sums up why I make jewelry in honor of Faith. She makes me feel so much love and she makes me feel pretty. I want to share that wonderful feeling with others in Faith's memory.

This was one of those "ah hah" moments for me. While I have always done this in Faith's honor, I never really verbalized it to myself and made this much of a special connection. By helping others feel pretty, I am sharing a piece of how Faith makes me feel.

Capture Your Grief - Day 31 - Sunset

Well, today is the last day of Capture Your Grief for this year.  Of course the topic is Sunset.  I did not get a picture of a sunset here in FL, USA today, although I am sure it was very nice.  

So, for my picture for today, I am using a picture I took not too long ago in this area, so it is still my picture and it is still around sunset at an area close to where I live!

As this project comes to a close this year, I am thankful that I have taken the time to participate.  It has been a great time for me to take time out of my days and to reflect and think about Faith.  I miss her so very much.

 

Earlier this evening my husband and I were enjoying spending time with Joy.  We dressed her up like an angel for Halloween and she was just beautiful.  As I looked and listened to her, I couldn't help but wonder what Faith would be like if she were here.  

It has only been a year and a half since Faith went to Heaven.  I know as I live my life every day that as long as I am here the sun will rise and the sun will set, however, the sun will never set on my love for Faith.

I love and miss you my darling first daughter.

Capture Your Grief - Day 30 - Reflection

Reflection was yesterday's Capture Your Grief topic.  Today, I will again go question by question on this topic, since there are only a few questions and I think it's the easiest route...

Q: What is your relationship with grief like right now?

A: My relationship with grief now is one of co-existence.  I don't know how to explain it any differently than that.  I live with grief every day.  I do not WALLOW in grief, but it is a part of me now.

Q: Is it still the same?

A: No, it is not the same.  I believe my grief changes on a daily basis.

Q: Has anything changed? 

A: Yes.  My grief is constantly changing.  Most of the time I try to focus on the wonderful time I was able to spend with Faith and my love for her.  

Q: What have you learned about yourself and your grief? 

A: I have learned so much about myself and my grief since Faith died.  I have learned that you can learn to live with grief in your everyday life without it overcoming you.  You control it (most of the time).  A lot of the time I can choose to have a good cry session to get out some needed grief.

Q: Did you love anything about this project? 

A: I love the fact that this project has given me the time out to think about Faith and to think about my relationship with her.  I also love that this project has given me something to give myself as a goal and I have actually done it!

Q: What did you find difficult?

A: Some days I found it difficult to take the time out to do my blog post for this project.  However, the couple times that I didn't do the post I caught it up on the next day, which is great for me!  I found it difficult to sit down and really focus on Faith.  Not that I don't think of her VERY frequently, but since I am so busy I don't often make the time to just focus some much needed time on my relationship with her and my grief for her.

Capture Your Grief - Day 29 - (WHY?) What Heals You?

I really like today's Capture Your Grief topic.  The topic is What Heals You?.  You can read the history of this topic on Carly's site in the link above.  I have done the Whys and What Ifs many many times since Faith died.  I may still every now and then.  However, Carly's idea of focusing her energy on What Heals You? instead is a great idea!

The bottom line is I can't change that Faith is gone.  THIS is what happened.  So today, in my thinking about this topic, I came up with many things that heal me...

The Lord has been with me through every moment of losing Faith and quite frankly every moment of my life.  He is ALWAYS there for me.  He heals me in every way a person can be healed...mind, body, soul, and spirit.

Owen and Joy heal me.  Spending time with them together has quickly become one of my MOST favorite times of every day!  I love watching them together and how happy each one makes the other.  It is so beautiful to watch my daughter with her daddy!

Blogging and writing heals me.  I enjoy sharing my story and feelings.  I enjoy both blogging and writing in my journals.  Both things are healing to me in different ways.  I feel as though I can share and help others by blogging.  Writing in my journals helps me to talk to Faith and also with Joy.

Making jewelry heals me.  I have been enjoying making jewelry so very much.  I just created my first piece in my new Faith & Joy line the other day and am going to be finishing up my next piece here in a little bit after I finish this blog post!  I am very excited about this bracelet!

So today, instead of asking why, or following up your asking why, focus on What Heals You!

Capture Your Grief - Day 28 - Reach Out

Reach Out is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  This evening I was planning to go to bed a bit earlier, however, I wanted to get some work done for someone very special, so I am just wrapping up that work for this evening.  

I am not going to mention what work it is that I am doing.  I will just say that I am currently working with someone on a project and needed to get some things done on said project.

It makes me feel very good that this person trusts me with such important tasks that need to be completed.  I feel blessed that I am able to help in the areas I can with this project.  I know that I will be putting in a lot of time and love into this project and will see much success and love in return, since that is just how God works.

I will continue to reach out to others in kindness and love and am blessed to be able to do so.  The picture I have chosen to use for today is of Faith's hand prints.  These little hands will continue to reach out to others in love through me.

Capture Your Grief - Day 27 - Self Portrait

Today's Capture Your Grief topic is Self Portrait.  This is an interesting topic I think.  It forces us to search ourselves and who we are today; looking through the experience of losing our child.  Today, I am taking this topic question by question...just to change it up a bit.  Here I go!

Q: Who am I now in this present moment?

A: I can honestly say that I am Sara Bryant, happy wife, happy mom, happy daughter, happy sister, happy niece, happy cousin...I guess I can truly say that I am happy again.  I didn't think I would be able to be happy again after losing Faith, but I am.  I know that she wants me to be happy and enjoy my life, so I do.  I love making jewelry.  I love raising Joy.  I love my husband.  I really like living in the sun.  God has given me so much and I am so thankful.  

Q: Have you been irrevocably changed by the death of my child?

A: Absolutely, yes.  I have been forever changed by Faith's death.  I will miss her until the day we meet again in Heaven.  I will grieve her until the same moment.  However, although I have been irrevocably changed negatively from Faith's death, I have also been positively changed.  I cherish life and moments and people so much more than I did before.  I understand that so much stuff simply does NOT matter.  I try to help others as much as I can.  I am trying to actually DO the things I have wanted to do in my life instead of just talking about doing them.  I don't want to wake up years from now and wonder what I did with my life.  I do my best to live to love others; the God-kind of love.  I believe this is the best way I can honor Faith's memory and keep her alive in my heart.

Q:  How am I different now?

A: Please refer to the last question and answer.

Q: Do I love anything about the new me?

A: Absolutely!  I love how much I love now.  In some strange way, losing Faith has given me such a great capacity to love.  I think it is because I now have a true revelation of how precious and short life is that I try to love others as much as I can.  I also have a new found motivation to do the things I truly want to do in my life.  I have talked about doing some things for a long time instead of doing them.  I am more motivated to do these things now and I love that.

Q: What part of me do I want back?

A: Hmmm...the obvious answer here would be Faith.  However, I know that is not what this question is asking.  I guess I would have to say my rose-colored glasses through which I used to view the world.  I would like my ability to view pregnancy as purely a wonderful time versus having a lingering fear.  I think that is what I want back the most.  Although, when I was pregnant with Joy, most of the time I really did just enjoy her and being pregnant, there were times I was terrified.

I am using 2 pictures of myself to make my self portrait.  I believe these 2 pictures capture who I am today very well.  One is a picture of me happy smelling Faith's hibiscus flower in our backyard, symbolizing how she is always with me.  The other is with me, Owen, and Joy.  These 2 pictures combine to show who I am today.

Capture Your Grief - Day 26 - Gratitude

Gratitude is today's Capture Your Grief topic.  This is a wonderful idea!  I am grateful for so many things!  I am grateful to be alive, to have a wonderful husband, for having 2 wonderful daughters, Faith in Heaven and Joy here with us, for a wonderful family and great friends, new ideas, new business ideas, a roof over my head, food to eat, my health, the list goes on and on...

I believe Carly is very accurate here when she talks about practicing being grateful daily.  At first, when you experience the loss of your child, you are doing good to get out of bed.  However, gradually, as time goes by, you can begin to live again and see how blessed you truly are in life.  Losing Faith has caused me an unimaginable amount of pain, however, it has also brought me to realize how important and beautiful ALL life is and has given me such a different perspective of life.

I am grateful for Faith: the time we shared together while she was growing, the time we shared at the hospital, the time we shared together at the funeral home, and the time we share together now, every day as she is in Heaven and I am here...somehow...we are together in our hearts.  I know that she is waiting for me just on the other side of the pearly gates, and for that, I am GRATEFUL!