Faith's Heartbeat Bracelet - Priceless

I created this beautiful pink bracelet by adding a printout of Faith's heartbeat.  Her heartbeat here is shown at 146 bpm and it is so beautiful to me.

The longer I am here the more I realize how precious life truly is and that we MUST cherish the time we are given.  I am so thankful that we have the ultrasound with this picture of Faith's heartbeat.  

I know that as I keep creating, each piece will continue to get better and better.  However, although I know I will get better at making these keepsakes and the quality will continue to get better, I know that in my heart, some of the most precious ones I'll have are the first ones I have made, like this one and the one with Faith's footprints and other information from the day and time she was born (right).

I needed to create these "prototypes" to get my business rollling and I am very pleased at how they turned out.  Although I have a LOT more ideas of keepsakes I will make for myself using items that are special to me from other people/relatives, to me, these two bracelets hold a piece of my daughter, are the heart and soul of my business, and are PRICELESS.

I am currently thinking of some other new ideas for my business and am thrilled to be blessed with the creative ideas that Faith is blessing me with, so that I may share them with others.

Please come by my new store here: Faith Melody Memories and let me know what you think.  I would love feedback, input, and ideas.

THAT is Love

Today as I was driving, I was listening to a Hillsong CD and this song came on. 

Although I really enjoy listening to Hillsong, I do not remember if I have heard this song or not, or if I have, it has been quite a while since I have heard it.

Regardless, it is a beautiful song and it brought me to tears.  It struck a strong chord in my heart, that I do not believe I have experienced before. I had a new view of God, that I hadn't really thought too much about before.  If I love Faith more than life, how must God have felt to WILLINGLY give His only Son for us?  I ached for God as I listened to this song.

Then, as I kept listening, I realized how much love He has for me (all the world).  Of course I knew that before, but as I listened to this song today, I heard it with my heart and not my head.

Losing Faith has been the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life. I have never felt pain and aching in my heart and arms as I do now.  I cannot know what God felt when he sent us His son, but having lost my baby girl, and hearing this song with my heart, I can truly begin to understand.

Somehow, in the midst of my darkest days, while experiencing some of the most painful times, I felt more love today than I can explain.  In my loss, I have a greater understanding of God's love for me and what He gave for me.

What do you feel when you listen to this song?

Reflections in the Mirror

Let me begin this post by stating that Faith has my husband's bone structure in her face as well as his strong drummer legs, so please know that she looks like him.  I am focusing this post on my personal feelings when I see myself in the mirror, but I wanted to make it very clear that she looks like my husband as well as me.

I frequently look at myself in the mirror.  I guess we all do...getting ready, doing my hair, makeup, looking at my outfits, etc...

But the reflection looking back at me in the mirror has changed.  I now wear the loss of my only child in my eyes.  I look into my own eyes and see a different me.

But when I look at my face, and cannot help but see my daughter.  It is very strange, but somehow very comforting and peaceful at the same time.  I just imagine that she looks like me.  I can almost say that I love looking at my face in an odd way, not for any other reason, except that I see Faith there.

I miss my baby girl more than I can say.  But I I know that part of her still lives in me and I see her...every time I see my reflection.

Faith Melody Memories - Momentos Update

I am proud to announce that I have created my prototype (a bracelet for me) of one customized bracelet like what I will have for sale (made to order) in my new Etsy store soon.  I am thrilled about being able to create this type of momento for people.  Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.  I hope to have another one done soon, but I am brainstorming how I want to do the second one...

The bracelet has Faith's footprints as well as her name, date and time of birth, as well as her measurements.  I know this is something I will be able to treasure and wear for many years to come.  

I plan to be making other special bracelets, as well as earrings and pendants similar to these soon. 

I will be working to get my new Etsy store up and running soon, so I will have that information available ASAP.  In the meantime, I'll keep brainstorming new ways to honor loved ones with these pieces of jewelry.

In honor of our precious daughter, my new business will carry her name...Faith Melody Memories.

Stuffed Animals

Yes, I am a 33 year old woman, who now sleeps with a teddy bear. The teddy bear you see in the picture in this post, to be precise.

I have been resting on my bed this evening, cuddling with the new stuffed dog that my husband gave me for our anniversary.  He has given me quite a number of stuffed animals over the years for different holidays/occasions.

This past Christmas, my husband gave me a stuffed Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and Woodstock (really they were for Faith).  I have really enjoyed receiving a vast array of different stuffed animals.  

Earlier while we were watching a movie, I was thinking of the comfort that I have found in holding my stuffed animals.  It may sound strange, but indeed, it is not, to me.  For anyone who has lost a loved one, especially, a child that is supposed to be in your arms, you know that the there is a real physical ache you feel of not having that person in your arms.

For me, being able to hold some of my stuffed animals has helped immensely.  

The teddy bear that I sleep with, is the one that the hospital had beside Faith the day she was born. Outside of the outfit I dressed her in, that teddy bear is one of the few items that we are blessed to have.  I have read so many posts on Facebook about people that have lost a child and have no pictures, hand and foot prints, or anything tangible.  That makes me so thankful that we have the items that we do have.

While I am very aware that this teddy bear is not my daughter, that does't mean I don't call the teddy bear Faith.  My Faith teddy bear is one of the most precious things I now own.  Holding this teddy bear brings me more comfort than I can explain, physically, as well as emotionally.  

Anniversary

Yesterday was my husband and my 9 year wedding anniversary.  We had a really great day.  We went out to eat at a lovely Japanese Steakhouse.  It was very nice.  When we got home, we exchanged cards and he gave me roses, a beautiful bracelet, and a stuffed animal.  We also got a movie to watch. I had a very good day and am so thrilled to be able to celebrate 9 years of wonderful marriage.

In the midst of celebrating our 9th anniversary, there was the tug at my heart, that Faith was not here with us to celebrate.  It is becoming more real day by day that she is gone, along with the fact that in every celebration/event, there will forever be a girl missing.  While I am starting to get to a place where I am beginning to recognize some of myself again, I also realize that I am not recognizing my "old self", but a completely new person; one who is broken, but blessed, lost, but loved, scarred, but sacred.

As always, as I live my day to day life, Faith is, and will forever be with me.  She is in my heart, soul, and mind in everything that I do.  I love her more today than I did the day before, as I will continue to until I hold her again in Heaven.  In my celebration of 9 years of marriage with my wonderful husband, we both know that somehow, Faith is here with us, saying "Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad, I love you."  I know this for certain, because I know me and I know my husband.  We have so much love for Faith, so I know she is celebrating our anniversary in Heaven and holding us in her heart as we hold her in ours.

15th of the Month...

Well, today is the 15th again.  Another month has gone by, and it has now been 5 months since Faith was born.  It is so strange and surreal that Faith has come into our lives and gone home to Heaven. The 15th will forever be a special day for me.  I have gone through so many emotions, some of which I do not understand myself.

I know that I continue to play what happened that day over and over in my mind.  I may always on the 15th of the month.  I do not know.  But I also know that as the seconds, minutes, hours, and days go by, my love for Faith continues to grow far beyond what I can even describe.

Faith will always be my beautiful baby girl.  I think of her constantly and want nothing more than to hold her in my arms again.

Today, and every 15th of every month, I will remember Faith's precious life with us and think of the glorious day when we'll hold each other again.

When I look at pictures of Faith, I am constantly drawn in by how beautiful her little body is.  I can close my eyes and remember the soft touch of her skin, the perfection of her small hands and feet, her beautiful soft auburn hair...

...but most of all, I can close my eyes and remember all those things, and feel the never-ending love that I felt as I held the most precious gift I have ever held in my arms...

...my darling daughter, My Faith Melody.

Nominated for a Liebster Award

I was nominated by Kaitlyn for a Liebster Award!  I am very honored by this nomination.  Thank you so much for the nomination, Kaitlyn.  Please check out her blog and give her some love.

So what is The Liebster Award?

Liebster is a German word for beloved. The award is given to up and coming bloggers. 

Its a great way to discover new bloggers. This award is especially special (ha ha) to me, because I started this blog in honor of my BELOVED daughter, Faith.  This is for you baby girl!

The rules for the Liebster Award:

1. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you by linking back to their blog.  If you want you can also display the Liebster Award Button on your blog. The button can be found here: Liebster Award Button.

2. Answer eleven questions that  have been given to you. 

3. Give eleven random facts about yourself.

4. Nominate eleven blogs you think deserve the award. Try and make sure they have 200 followers or less. 

5. Let the blogger know you have nominated them.

6. Give them eleven questions to answer.

Here are the 11 questions that were given to me to answer along with my answers:

1. Who is your biggest inspiration?  This is a tough question for me to answer.  I have a few people that top   my list, but for me it is my husband and my daughter, Faith. (who lives in Heaven).

2. If you could try any job for a day, what would it be?  There are so many cool jobs to choose from...hmmm...right now I would say a Photographer for National Geographic.

3. Are you more of a cat or dog person?  I am a dog person for sure.

4. If you could go back in time and change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  That's an easy one, I would have my daughter live.

5. What is the one thing you want to do but don't dare?  I will say sky dive for now, but who knows, someday maybe I will do it.

6. What is your best beauty secret?  Minimal natural makeup and a big smile!

7. Do you live by any philosophy or motto?  Philosophy

8. What makes you nervous?  Heights, which is funny, because I love flying!

9. What is one thing on your bucket list?  More World Travel

10. What is your greatest achievement?  Outside of salvation, and marriage, I would have to say my daughter, Faith.

11. What was the most embarrassing moment in your life?  I really don't remember being embarrassed too much in my life...

Here are 11 random facts about myself:

1. I enjoy arts and crafts.

2. My husband and I were married in New Mexico.

3. I now collect and wear "Faith" jewelry.

4. I enjoy singing.

5. I enjoy organizing and decorating.

6. I enjoy shoes. (and have quite the collection!)

7. I really enjoy going to the beach.

     - the sound of the ocean

     - the feeling of white sand on my feet

8. I have lived in 5 states in the U.S. 

     - at one point in time living in every time zone on the continental U.S.

9. I enjoy helping other people.

10. I married my best friend

11. I enjoy writing.

     - my blog 

     - books that I believe I am supposed to write about my daughter, Faith, as well as a couple other topics

Here are my 11 questions for those I nominate:

1. What is your blog about?

2. Why did you start your blog?

3. If you have more than one blog, answer #1 for your other blog.

4. If you have more than one blog, answer #2 for your other blog.

5. What do you like to do in your free time?

6. What is your favorite color?

7. What is your favorite food?

8.  What is your favorite way to help others?

9. If you could go on a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

10. If you could spend a day with someone that has died, who would that be and what would you do?

11. Have you told those you love that you love them today?

My Nominations for a Liebster Award Are:

1. Brittany Dooly

2. Everyone Likes Pictures

3. The Chubbie One
4. This Journey
5. Sammy Noodles
6. Owen Bryant
7. Paula
8. Fotographic Memories
9. Tee's Closet
10. Jessica
11. Molly

Best of luck all and I hope you can learn about some new bloggers as well.
God Bless!

You Want Me To Pay For What?

One of my friends, Beth, messaged me on Facebook today and gave me my blog topic for today (or at least one topic for the day)...the financial aspect of losing a baby.

When you lose a baby, you now face a roller coaster of emotions and a grief that you must live with for the rest of  your life.  Let me just say that the bills that will come when this happens to you is The LAST thing you will think about, until they start coming in the mail.

Let me share my experience with you regarding the bills.  Without going into too much detail, I can say first of all, assuming you gave birth in a hospital, you will most likely be facing a handful of large bills.  The hospital bill will most likely be the most expensive.  If you needed an ambulance ride, there is yet another bill.  

This can all be SO OVERWHELMING, especially when you are trying to grieve for the child you just lost.

While I don't know how every hospital/medical group works, I can speak from my knowledge regarding the subject.  Here is what I know.  First of all, these places charge your insurance first (assuming you have health insurance).  After that, they will send you a bill for the remaining balance due.  *Note here from another Facebook friend, Pam - call your insurance company as soon as possible to see how much you will need to pay and how much they will cover.*

Once you get those bills, I would suggest you contact the financial department in the hospital or medical group and ask if they have financial assistance programs and request the forms to fill out for such a program.  A lot of hospitals/medical groups have financial assistance, but you need to ask for the forms, they most likely will not tell you about it if you are paying.  A lot of hospitals will also give you a percentage of discount (up to 100%) depending on your family size and income.  ASK for help.  If you do not ask, you will not know.

Some medical groups do not have any financial assistance program, but will be willing to set up payment arrangements with you.  Most likely ANY medical group will set this up for you if you cannot pay the balance all at once.  Think of it this way, they would rather you make payments than nothing at all.  These payment arrangements are great to take advantage of especially if they do not charge interest.  I know that some do not charge any interest.  If you are not sure, again, let me reiterate, ASK.

I completely understand the drama and life altering event of losing a baby.  It was brought to my attention that no one really talks about this side of the loss, so I wanted to at least address it on the surface.

I hope this information is useful for you and will in some way help you if you are facing this situation.

The Nest

Today, I was blessed with a lovely necklace and a poem made by a beautiful friend.  This truly touched my heart that she would make this for me and the poem is perfect.  As emotions run high for people who have lost a child, these are some very true and comforting words.  We will be together again, our beautiful Faith.

I am so honored to have this necklace and can wear it as a beautiful reminder of God's promise to us that we'll see Faith again in Heaven.  If you know anyone who is grieving the loss of a child, please feel free to share this poem with them.

We love you Faith Melody!

Here is what the poem says:

The Nest

The Spirit of God alighted on Jesus in the form of a dove.

This same Spirit guides my family with His never-ending love.

Inside this little next you'll find two eggs resting there.

One for me, and one for Owen.  The perfect family pair.

Our baby, Faith, flew back to God leaving behind a feather.

A tiny reminder that God has promised one day we'll be together.

The Beach

Today, my husband and I went to the beach.  It was a (and still is) a cloudy, lovely summer day; perfect for the beach!  I just love the feeling of that beautiful white sand on my feet.  Listening to and walking in the ocean feels wonderful too.

While being at the beach was wonderful, it was also painful.  As we walked along the shoreline, I saw kids playing in the sand and in the water, and watched as parents held their babies and took pictures.  While part of my heart was glad for the little ones, it also hurt so much that we don't have Faith with us to enjoy those things with.

I guess we'll just have to wait to build sandcastles with Faith until we can do so along The River of Life in Heaven.  I am quite certain that we will build beautiful sand castles there.

Until then, we love you, sweet Faith Melody Bryant.

XO

Out of Place

I am sitting on our love seat and holding my Comfort Bear from Sufficient Grace Ministries in our dining area. I enjoy sitting here frequently, as it is a very comfy place to relax.  I am thinking about my day today...

This afternoon I was sitting outside.  I really enjoy looking at and watching the small lizards that run around everywhere here.  So I was enjoying the afternoon and watching a lizard.  I then had an overwhelming feeling of being out of place; not geographically, but in general.

As I ponder my "out of place" feeling today, I realize I have felt that way since Faith went home to be with The Lord.  It really is a great way to express how I feel a lot lately.  I was on a clear path until a huge stumbling block (to say the least) was placed in my life.  Unfortunately I was not given a choice on the path to choose.

I understand, now, more than ever, the feeling of being out of place.

Please do not get me wrong.  I know that I am still very blessed and have a lot to be thankful for in this life on earth.

I also know that I feel like a mother and at the same time I don't.  It is very strange.  I see people pregnant and having babies all around me and while a part of me is thankful for their life and blessing, my heart is so torn that they get to have their babies and I do not have mine.

So, when I think about this feeling I am experiencing on my grief journey, I suppose I couldn't put it much better than "out of place".  A huge piece of my heart is with Faith in Heaven now, so this feeling I have is very accurate, in that a piece of my heart is truly...

Out of Place...

Momentos Update

I am currently working to get my office (Faith's room) in order so that I can get to work on momentos.  I have been brainstorming and coming up with other ideas that I am adding to my list.  I am getting very excited to show you!

Along with momentos for people who have lost a child(ren), I am working on some ideas for momentos of other family members that have gone to Heaven as well...

I should have some more work done this weekend, so please check back for more information!