Today, I am reflecting on my life without Faith. I am now a little past 14 weeks pregnant with our rainbow child. Some days I am still not really sure how to feel about being pregnant again so soon. Although I now find myself talking to both Faith and our new baby. I read to both of them in the morning. I thank The Lord for both of our children. I look forward to raising the child I am now pregnant with and to being able to hold Faith again one day in Heaven.
It has been almost 10 months now since Faith went to Heaven. I've experienced things that I do not wish on my worst enemy (if I had any enemies, ha ha). At the same time, retrospectively, I view the day Faith was born as both one of the worst and one of the best/most beautiful days of my life. I see life so differently than I did before. Some things simply don't matter. What does matter is loving people and enjoying every moment we are given on this earth.
I now see myself as a totally different person, however, I still believe the same things I did before. I believe what I have been through has made my faith walk stronger. In going through my worst and most difficult experience in life so far, I've chosen to go to God instead of running away from Him. He has given me a peace that is certainly beyond my understanding. I have said this recently and believe I will continue to as long as I am on this earth:
"What happened to us and our daughter is not ok, and it will never be ok, but I am ok."
I am amazed at the peace and grace God has given me and the strength to continue on in life with a positive outlook.
As I move forward in life with Faith in my heart, I will continue to walk with God by faith and trust Him as He continues to walk with me through life.