It was 3 months ago today that Faith was born and went home to be with The Lord. Although I think of her almost constantly daily, the 15th of the month is different for me. Off and on throughout today I have looked at my watch and thought of where I was and what was happening 3 months ago at that time.
I frequently replay what happened that morning in my head. It is as fresh as if it happened yesterday. It may always be that way. I do not know. I am not really sure how to describe how I feel most days. It is almost as if I wake up every day, feeling as though she left the day before.
I've read from a lot of bereaved mothers on Facebook groups, blogs, etc, that talk about their grief and pain regarding their loss(es). The loss of Faith is relatively new to me, so it is difficult to compare to someone who experienced a loss years ago. However, one thing that I have continued to hear is that it doesn't get easier, you just learn to cope or live in a "new normal".
In the past few months, I can attest to that fact being accurate. I can tell that it is getting easier for me to live with (as if I have a choice), sometimes...on the total opposite side of that coin, each day that passes is one more day that I have gone without my daughter, one more day of wondering what we'd be doing if she were here, one more day of remembering, one more day of crying, one more day of heart ache, one more day...
With each day that passes, I love my daughter, my Faith Melody, so much more than the day before. It is interesting to me how "they" say that time heals all wounds. I have news for "them", they are wrong. It seems to me to be the complete opposite for me. With each passing day, this hole in my heart grows as I miss more of what I would be doing with my daughter.
I miss and love you with all my heart, my Faith Melody.