As I am sitting here in my living room, I begin thinking of the things I need to get done in the house today. I can hear the thunder, cars, and other various noises. However, the sound I am listening to in my home right now is silence.
While a lot of people enjoy silence, me being one of them, sometimes, like now, the silence is so loud it is almost deafening. Faith is not here crying to let us know that she is hungry or needs to be changed. She is not here cooing and "talking" to us as she laughs and smiles.
As the days go by, I am learning that the more I learn, the less I know. One thing that I do know is the pain of losing my only child. I am baffled still by how fast you can be the happiest person in the world, waiting for the arrival of the girl you love the most, and in a moment's time, your world ceases to turn by learning that your child has died. As I reflect back to that moment, although there were a lot of noises surrounding me, I was filled with complete silence.
My heart hurts more each time I hear of someone else going through this loss. Recently, a couple of my lady friends shared with me that they have lost children as well. I grieve for them too. I know the pain they have experienced and will continue to go through for the rest of their lives. I know for certain, that they, and anyone else who has lost a child sits in silence at times and asks themselves, what is my child doing? what do they sound like? what do they look like? what does it feel to hold them in my arms?
In the midst of this silence, pain, and tears, I can almost hear my baby girl telling me she is just fine and not to worry, as we will be together again soon. As I grieve for Faith, I must continue to remember that she wants me to be happy and enjoy the remainder of my life on this earth.
If you are going through this tremendous loss, keep that in the forefront of your mind. Your child/children want/s you to be happy and enjoy your life on earth too. I know it is hard. Most likely one of the hardest things you do is to get out of bed in the morning. I know. But you have to keep going. Your child is in Heaven with mine. They want us to do something good for someone else today. Reach out to help someone and do it for your child. Buy someone a sandwich or a cup of coffee, smile at a stranger, encourage a friend, etc...Remember and honor your child by helping others. We can all bless others in some way. What are you good at? Share your talent with others and let them know about your child/children today. This will help you to honor your child and to break the silence of child loss. It WILL help you on your journey, trust me.
Please, remember that you need to have, and embrace, these moments of silence to grieve, pray, remember, cry, etc...But follow your times of silence by blessing someone else in honor of your child. While these times of silence are difficult, and will always be, I am sure, I can know that after my silent time is over, I will honor Faith by blessing someone else. In this way, she is helping to break the silence for me. How will you break your silence today? Please share!