This morning, my friend Gary, posted a saying on Facebook. Here is what it says:
"A person who loses a partner is called a widow. A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. But there is no word to describe a parent that loses a child, because the loss is like no other." I'm not sure who wrote this, but it rings so true to me today and every day.
As I contemplate this saying, in the strangest way, I realize that I am a mother. While Faith is in Heaven, I am still and will always be her mommy. She is still my daughter and nothing can ever change that. I think about what traditional moms do on a daily basis: change, feed, hold, play, teach, love, etc...with their child/children.
As I ponder all the things that a "traditional" mom does with her child daily, I am reminded of a saying that my Dad uses: "I learn something new every day." This is a saying that I've quoted many times and truly believe to be true. I am thankful that he not only taught me that, but also lives by it.
On that note, here is one thing I am learning today. I am realizing today, that I am truly Faith's mother. All the things that a "traditional" mom does every day, I do these things too, but I do them in my heart. While you do not see my daughter with me, know for certain that I wake up every morning and hold, teach, play, change, feed, and love my daughter in my heart all day everyday.
There are many differences between my motherhood and that of those who have not lost a child, obviously. Since Faith is my only child, I only have my experience raising her. I can only imagine that the journey I have raising her is the hardest for any mother. Not that I think raising a child/children on earth is easy, because I don't think it is. But the feeling that parents have when their child could hurt themselves or when they drive away and you are not sure if they'll be ok...that is the feeling that I live with in my heart every moment of every day. Physical Heart Ache.